The open conversations around mental health in society today represent huge progress in comparison to even ten or twenty years ago. I am especially in awe of the academics who present their struggles publicly (such as in blog posts here) and find this absolutely crucial for the health of our field. Reading their stories has made a difference to me and helped me feel less alone.
In this blog post though, I want to offer some support for those who can’t or don’t want to talk about their mental health. An important message should be: That’s okay too. As long as we’re talking to someone, we don’t have to talk to everyone. Based on my personal experience, this is an even more important message for people trying to support someone who is struggling. Public health initiatives encourage us to ask “Are you okay?”. The idea is to give people an opening to talk, but for a person in distress, it can feel like the burden is being put on them to reassure others. This was my experience during an event I wasn’t able to talk about and instead of helping me, it forced me into isolation. Sometimes, asking others if they are okay can be problematic—even unhelpful—and we need to be aware that we might have to adjust our strategy if someone is not responding.
Mistakes Were Made: My Experience of Adult ADHD by Brian Spurlock
In late 2011, I was woken from a deep sleep by a call letting me know the lab where I was doing undergraduate research in organic chemistry had flooded. I rushed to campus along with two or three graduate students and through our combined efforts, the mess was cleaned up and the damage mitigated.
Unfortunately, this isn’t the whole truth.
To be specific: One night during my junior year at Ole Miss, my mentor called me to let me know that I flooded his lab, and, still half asleep and in pajama bottoms, I ran to campus and helped three exhausted people who hadn’t flooded the lab fix my colossal fuckup.
Read More »Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder and Academic Research – An Incompatible Pairing? by Dr Jenny Lange
TW: Eating disorder; suicidal ideation
Since I started my journey in academia, completing a BSc in Psychology in 2008, increasing focus has been placed on wellbeing and raising awareness of mental health conditions in students and academic staff. Unfortunately, that usually focuses on common mental health conditions deemed more ‘palatable’, and rarely provides additional support to those entering academia with a pre-existing mental health condition. Employee Assistance Programmes typically offer limited counselling, that is barely sufficient for providing the minimum support for struggling students or staff.
But before I go off on my favourite rant about how ‘wellness walks’ for mental health awareness week are extremely ineffective in raising awareness or reducing stigma, I should mention that I have been diagnosed with Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder, EUPD, formerly known as Borderline Personality disorder. After years of never quite fitting a diagnosis, this almost came as a relief but in a sense was also overwhelming. Given I am already trying to navigate a notoriously challenging career field, to be told now there’s something inherently wrong with me and my personality? This was a blow, and in a way felt like it was my fault rather than a consequence of the trauma I experienced.
Challenges as a First-Generation Student: Studying Abroad by L. América Chi
Imagine winning a Ferrari in a lottery—sounds thrilling, right? The rules are that you cannot sell it or transfer it. Once you are over the joy of winning it, a small predicament arises, as you find yourself unable to afford the exorbitant expenses associated with maintaining such a luxurious vehicle. Adding to the challenge, you lack the knowledge and experience required to operate it, and no one in your small town possesses this expertise either, thus requiring you to relocate to effectively leverage it. Then there’s your friends, family, and local community who do not really understand why you might want the Ferrari in the first place.
Then, let’s envision a scenario where you relocate to a distant city where residents are accustomed to utilizing such vehicles. In this new environment, people are so familiar with these cars that they struggle to comprehend why you find it challenging to adapt. Meanwhile, individuals from your hometown fail to understand your decision to leave, perplexed by your pursuit of learning. The individuals who donated the Ferrari and were present for the photo on the day you won have all but vanished. So yes, you won a Ferrari, but in reality, it hasn’t brought you happiness necessarily. You can hardly make use of it, unable to share it with your family, and you find no joy in owning it. Furthermore, the burden of maintaining it has plunged you into significant debt, affecting your mental health.
Read More »You Can’t Outwork Your ADHD by Anonymous
When in doubt, just work harder – until you no longer can.
I always thought that work ethic is one thing nobody could take away from me. In graduate school, I admired people – especially women, particularly mothers – who could work reasonable hours and somehow finish their bench work, keep up with current literature, and submit grant applications on time. Meanwhile, I never stopped working, yet everything would be done at the very last minute. Yes, I was bad at time management, constantly making mistakes that forced me to second-guess experimental results. I could, nonetheless, work anyone under the table with my ability to keep going at all hours, all days, with no vacations, no weekends. Academia certainly encouraged it. Senior academics would praise my hard work, marvel at my multitasking skills, at my cheerful spirit. However, those very efficient women whom I admired would frequently ask, “How are you not burned out? How are you holding up?” I would deflect, laugh it off, make a self-deprecating joke. In my own mind, I knew that it was not a sustainable work style. However, the discovery of new data – that moment when you turn on the microscope at the end of a long experiment and see the confirmation of your hypothesis in glorious multicolor – got me through many periods of disinterest and boredom caused by the relentless tedium of everyday bench work.
Read More »Jumping without a Parachute: Leaving a ‘Dream Job’ in the Search of Happiness by Dr Victoria Gray
‘Find a job you love and you’ll never work a day in your life’.
Generally I’m not a fan of a cliché, but somehow this became a goal from a young age. I was going to be an academic researcher, uncovering secrets of human genetics and I was going to be very happy doing it. Or at least that was the dream of idealistic, motivated and passionate 17-year-old, imagining how the degree she was applying for would lead to an incredible career.
Read More »Rejection Sensitivity and the Search for Paid Work Experience by S.J. Williamson
As a doctoral student finishing up my last year of coursework, I thought most of my concerns – comprehensive exams, the prospectus defense, my thesis – were a year away. I made an appointment with my new advisor in September, hoping she would approve my plan of study and I could focus on assembling my thesis committee. We went through the plan of study document together. She said everything was good to go except I needed to arrange an internship or work experience for my last semester of coursework. As a grad student with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder and Depression during Covid-19, I thought I had already faced the toughest parts of grad school. Little did I know how hard the job search would be on me.
Read More »The Illusion of Inclusion: My Journey as a Junior Disabled Researcher in Academia by Anonymous
Inclusivity in academia not only includes valuing the inclusion of diverse communities but also providing them accommodations to feel included. However, inclusivity as a concept has been widely spoken about yet poorly executed in academia. My journey as a disabled junior researcher within this space has been challenging, but I have persevered and overcome many obstacles. I have faced numerous discriminatory experiences and felt isolated and anxious in navigating academia.
Initially, I felt hopeful after accepting an offer from a lab for a full-time Research Assistant job that once I could only have dreamt of. I assumed a lab that worked on the themes of inclusivity, especially with the younger population, would also be inclusive to the members of the lab. Additionally, I thought I would finally find a supportive environment and mentors with whom my unique perspectives and experiences would be valued and respected. However, as I started to work more closely with the lab, I encountered underlying toxicity, exclusivity, and a subtle yet persistent practice of gaslighting that made me rethink continuing in academia as a whole.
Read More »The Abuse of Power in Academia: Consequences for Mental Health by Alex Mendelsohn
“I’m thinking of leaving academia,” a friend tells me. “I’m pretty sick and tired of all the political games”. This should have been shocking news. He was the type of person that seemed perfectly suited to being an astrophysicist. I never foresaw him doing anything else.
I wasn’t surprised though. In my time as a PhD student, I heard countless episodes of political game-playing by postdocs and academics. For example, my housemate (a PhD student in the biological sciences), would frequently come to me with a new story about how his supervisor would attempt to use any leverage available to make him do work to advance the supervisor’s own career instead of my housemate’s PhD. “We are just pawns on a chess board to them.” he would often say.
He meant this figuratively. He didn’t realise academics sometimes literally use students as pseudo chess pieces. When I needed to change offices due to a couple of toxic colleagues, I found that the process was a prolonged one. Most of the academics recognised that a desk, occupied or not, was a status symbol. The more desks each academic presided over, the higher their status. It was like some sort of weird conglomerate of empires. Giving up an empty desk space meant losing “territory”. My supervisor, despite thinking this was dumb, had to negotiate a PhD student “swap” with another research group.
Before I started my PhD, I saw academics as mature, upstanding members of society. It was certainly a shock to the system to discover that, on occasion, some academics acted like toddlers in a sandpit squabbling over who has the better sandcastle. In these power struggles, PhD students are the spades – tools to be used by academics which can be disposed of at any moment, once they have served their purpose.
Read More »Alone With My Anxiety: The Isolation of Doing a PhD Whilst Suffering With Anxiety by Isabelle Berrow
I believe that I have spent my whole life anxious. As long as I can remember, I have worried about things that other children did not. I was scared of getting hurt, getting muddy, trying new things out, of a fear of failure. I always felt different from the others.
Whenever I voiced these concerns I was told ‘Don’t be silly’ or ‘You’re no fun to be around’. As a little girl, these comments were extremely damaging to how I viewed the anxiety within me. I was ashamed, appalled and determined to not let anyone know how I was truly feeling.
So I spent my whole childhood, my teenage years and even into my 20s pretending I was somebody else.
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Voices of Academia 