As a doctoral student finishing up my last year of coursework, I thought most of my concerns – comprehensive exams, the prospectus defense, my thesis – were a year away. I made an appointment with my new advisor in September, hoping she would approve my plan of study and I could focus on assembling my thesis committee. We went through the plan of study document together. She said everything was good to go except I needed to arrange an internship or work experience for my last semester of coursework. As a grad student with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder and Depression during Covid-19, I thought I had already faced the toughest parts of grad school. Little did I know how hard the job search would be on me. 

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Inclusivity in academia not only includes valuing the inclusion of diverse communities but also providing them accommodations to feel included. However, inclusivity as a concept has been widely spoken about yet poorly executed in academia. My journey as a disabled junior researcher within this space has been challenging, but I have persevered and overcome many obstacles. I have faced numerous discriminatory experiences and felt isolated and anxious in navigating academia. 

Initially, I felt hopeful after accepting an offer from a lab for a full-time Research Assistant job that once I could only have dreamt of. I assumed a lab that worked on the themes of inclusivity, especially with the younger population, would also be inclusive to the members of the lab. Additionally, I thought I would finally find a supportive environment and mentors with whom my unique perspectives and experiences would be valued and respected. However, as I started to work more closely with the lab, I encountered underlying toxicity, exclusivity, and a subtle yet persistent practice of gaslighting that made me rethink continuing in academia as a whole. 

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