I have been thinking about my struggles as an undergraduate student recently and this article marks a significant moment, as it is the first time I am opening up to share my deeply personal journey of mental health challenges to wellness. I am an undergraduate of microbiology and just like many of you, I have faced my own battles with impostor syndrome and anxiety in my academic career. In this article, I will take you through my journey and explain how I have made impostor syndrome and anxiety work for me by turning them into my allies. When I say turning them into my allies I mean that rather than allowing them to hinder my progress, I have channelled their energy into becoming a self-aware and resilient student. 

Academic struggles are concealed and have an impact on our mental health, much like the invisible interactions of microbes in a complex environment.

Stepping into the seemingly vast world of academia as a freshman was both exciting and intimidating. I could not help but feel overwhelmed. During my first semester as a microbiology student, I was not only battling with adapting to college life which encompassed managing a demanding workload and adjusting to a new learning environment, but I was also confronted with a harsh reality – my grades were not a reflection of my passion for microbiology and this added to my feelings of inadequacy. The laboratory sessions, where brilliant peers showcased their prowess, often left me questioning my own abilities. Everyone in the laboratory during experiment sessions seemed to be so “impressive” and I was always wondering if I could ever measure up. There was this nagging voice in my head telling me that I wasn’t enough. 

Anxiety too became my unwelcome companion. The simple act of raising my hand to ask questions in class or the laboratory filled me with fear. I was always worried that I would be judged, that my questions would be laughed at or my ideas were not worth sharing. During this challenging time, I found myself staying in the school hostel for an entire week, disconnected from the outside world. It became my safe haven, shielding me from the perceived judgment of the outside world. I distanced myself from friends and course mates, uninstalled social media apps, and withdrew from social interactions. While isolation may have provided me with a temporary escape route, it exacerbated the very issues I had hoped to escape. The void left by the absence of my friends and coursemates was palpable and without the distraction of social media I found myself always thinking about my academic challenges. 

My struggles with impostor syndrome did not stop at academics. They crept into every aspect of my life, even robbing me of the chance to engage in extracurricular activities. I vividly remember a moment when I backed out of a friendly scrabble game with my course mates at the last minute, fearing that I might lose the game and not measure up to their expectations of me. All these actions were driven by an unrelenting anxiety that whispered to me, “You don’t belong here.”

But through this turbulent journey, I realized a profound truth: It is okay to feel vulnerable. It is okay to be scared. It is okay to feel like you haven’t achieved enough. This revelation didn’t happen suddenly; it was a gradual process that unfolded during my lowest moments. These emotions are part and parcel of being human, and they don’t define our worth. What matters most is how we confront them and how we choose to deal with them.

Finding a way forward

My journey towards healing began when I learned to be kind to myself. One crucial lesson I learnt was that once you embrace the fact that everyone was once a beginner, that even the most accomplished academic luminary was once a novice, this can help you break free from impostor syndrome’s grip. I also discovered that trying to completely eradicate impostor syndrome is a monumental task. Instead, I found ways to make it work for me. The following strategies and activities were especially helpful to me:

• Record your wins: I realised that experiencing concerns about my laboratory performance did not mean I was not up to the task. I began to document my small victories, celebrating each one, no matter how trivial. I created a folder that celebrated my small triumphs. Seemingly minor accomplishments such as actively participating in a group discussion or helping my friend understand a challenging topic in organic chemistry, found a place in my folder of victories. Over time, this collection of small successes became a powerful reminder that I was indeed capable and competent in my field.
  
• Be easy on yourself: I started being more forgiving of my mistakes. I allowed myself to understand that imperfection did not diminish my worth as a student or person. As I began to embrace a more forgiving outlook, the reduction in self-imposed pressure alleviated a significant portion of my anxiety.
  
• Listen to podcasts: As a means of self-improvement, I turned to podcasts, particularly those related to self help and personal development like On Purpose with Jay Shetty and The Tim Ferriss Show. These podcasts not only provided me with valuable knowledge but also a sense of comfort and connection to the world beyond my hostel room.
  
• Journaling and exercising: Incorporating exercise into my daily routine, particularly early in the morning, helped alleviate anxiety. Additionally, I began journaling daily in the early hours of the morning, around 600-6:30am. This helped me to reflect on my thoughts and emotions while offering me introspection in the serene hours of dawn. My exercise routine primarily consisted of morning walks and light yoga sessions. The combination of these practices allowed me to start each day with a sense of calm and purpose.

Conclusion

My journey through academia has been a battle against self-doubt and anxiety. I have faced low grades, isolation, missed opportunities, and insecurity. However, rather than succumbing to these challenges, I have learned to confront and manage impostor syndrome and anxiety effectively by finding ways to harness their energy and use them as sources of motivation and resilience. 

To all of you who have ever felt like you don’t belong or that your achievements are not worth celebrating, I want you to know that you are not alone. We have all been there. It is essential to understand that greatness often emerges when we take that leap of faith and push past the boundaries of self-doubt. Instead of striving for perfection, embrace authenticity. Channel the love and passion you have for your academics into something extraordinary. Remember, it is okay to have moments of self-doubt, what truly matters is how you persevere and use those moments as stepping stones toward your goals.

Always remember to celebrate your uniqueness, your journey and the obstacles you overcome along the way. Record and celebrate every little win, for they are stepping stones towards greatness. Do not let fear hold you back. Take that first step and I promise you it gets easier from there. 

I am immensely grateful to Voices of Academia for allowing me to share my story. My hope is that by baring my struggles, others will find the strength to overcome their academic challenges and prioritise their mental well-being.

Thank you for reading and for being a part of my journey. 

Kehinde Adepetun is an undergraduate student pursuing a degree in Microbiology. She believes in the power of resilience and personal growth, and has channeled challenges into opportunities for self-improvement and self-discovery. In her free time she loves reading thriller novels and expanding her knowledge through podcasts. 

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