The deadline for my next manuscript is approaching and corrections have arrived needing urgent attention, and yet I am seated on top of an old single bed engulfed by darkness. Again. my laptop, which has earned names like “fridge” and “desktop” from friends and classmates, is useless when there is a power outage. My city is yet again experiencing a power cut, with it not being unusual for them to occur for a period of 10 to 16 hours a day. Alternative sources of power such as generators are heavily regulated and are only switched on for a few hours a day. And when they are switched on, using that time is dedicated to the necessities: cooking, eating and bathing. Study has to take the back seat, but then I’m reminded of impending deadlines, and that I have to get my work done. I am then filled with the anxiety of, “What can I do?” or “Where should I start?” knowing that my laptop will only fail me again tomorrow. 

On top of electricity challenges, I am forced to gather water waking up as early as 4:00am to collect this resource, so often taken for granted in other countries, which evaporates faster than morning dew in Zimbabwe. The process is laborious. Sometimes I have to contend with realities of pushing a wheelbarrow with two or more twenty litre containers full of water fetched from a nearby borehole which is about two kilometres away. At around 7:30am my mind is exhausted, my body is tired and now I have to focus on my everyday work which is research, innovation and commercialisation. I am always worried about failing to meet deadlines and producing excellent work. I know that many people in academia around the world do not have to deal with these challenges, but I do, and the weight of this weighs heavily on me. This, combined with the societal pressure to just be “thick skinned” and a “macho man” makes pursuing my graduate studies incredibly challenging on my mental health at times.

Why bother with graduate studies?

Then there’s the comments I hear from family and friends (and shockingly on one or two occasions also employers) all too often: Why are you pursuing a master’s degree when the country does not have jobs? What’s the use of your PhD? Look “Ginimbi” was rich without even going to college so what’s the use of school?  

The majority of people do not understand the value of higher education and research, particularly if success is not necessarily immediately correlated with making money. There is a societal pressure that education in Zimbabwe must correspond with higher financial status and a substantial bank account. This makes navigating graduate school challenging as even those close to me do not always support my choices. On the days where I feel unmotivated, or feel like I might quit, I have few people telling me they support my decision to stay. It is also a lonely journey, and in most cases we are the first generation of masters and PhD students. I did not have anyone to learn from on how to navigate academia and its “hidden curriculum”. Masters and PhD drop outs are common, and when I am struggling, it is all too easy to consider doing the same, as I already have a degree. 

Past studies have highlighted that PhD students struggle with mental health concerns, and I suspect this is much higher in Low and Middle Income Countries (LMIC) like Zimbabwe, but this has not been extensively studied.  As shown in my own experience, students in LMICs such as Zimbabwe face a myriad of challenges ranging from frequent power cuts, inflation, poor working conditions, politics, and lack of adequate funding. I often have to navigate between spending many hours in library and “hustling” for my family needs. The stipend I receive for my graduate studies is not even enough to cover the basics, hence every day I must divide my time between having a job to make ends meet and conducting research. Graduate students around the world receive inadequate stipends which have a negative bearing on their financial and mental wellbeing. Typically the PhD stipend is below minimum wage in most developed countries, and is even worse in LMIC countries like Zimbabwe.

From time to time, my supervisors give me a warning to prioritise my graduate studies, but even they know that there is inadequate funding for research, and basic needs must come first. Further, my research instruments and equipment are yet to be procured, meaning doing the research is in itself incredibly challenging. There is only so long I can do literature reviews before I need to do go out and collect data. Research instruments such as camera, recorder and hard drives are yet to be procured. 

At one point, my spirit was high as a result of a conference acceptance to present my preliminary literature review in Kenya. However, as I re-read the email, I realised that the university does not have a budget to fund airfares regardless of the fact that the organisers were offering to cover the accommodation bill. This impacted my mental health heavily: my self-esteem and confidence took a huge hit as I realised that whilst I had the opportunity I did not have the means to attend. I worried about notifying the conference organisers for fear of being ridiculed due to my financial status. It is my experience that in academia the rich are celebrated and supported, but the poor are often treated as incompetent with little motivation. Industry pays better than academia and for graduates like myself coming from poor background, it is a no-brainer: everyone recommends taking a corporate job with benefits over pursuing academic career.  

Finding a way to survive

In Zimbabwe, it is a dream of every graduate student to have their papers published in a high-end journal but for the most part, many of us are using our graduate education as a means to leave the country for “greener pastures.” Graduate school has become an avenue to leave Zimbabwe through what Nigerians refer to as “JAPA” (migrating to developed countries). For me, my escape from daily stress continues, usually choosing between drinking cheap illegal imported spirits or “gyming” my way out. I began lifting weights recently, which has drastically improved my mental health because it acted as a release for me to forget the present challenges I am faced with and focus on achievable goals. When lifting weights, the goal is to finish the rep and sets as quickly as possible, and this has also become my slogan in graduate school. I find that I can always just push through and do “just one more set” and I will keep going. Graduate studies are not an easy stroll in the park. It is easy to contemplate throwing in the towel in the middle of your studies particularly if you are a PhD student in LMIC countries, due to the pressures we face. Socio-economic-political factors rest heavily on my shoulders. Balancing school work, fending for a family and managing setbacks that most often are beyond even institutional control require a lot of resilience. Then there is the stigma: that mental problems are not real, or a white man’s problem, as it is often alluded in my culture. Further, all too often we hear comments normalising suffering like “a PhD is always like that”, “You are lucky some of us had worse challenges”, “This is not for the weak”.   Ultimately, our mental health can only be improved when we make it okay to “cry” and be vulnerable without suffering from stigma. We should always strive to create a better environment conducive for next cohorts rather than celebrate and bask in self-made toxic academic nature.

Ideally, the government should prioritise postgraduate studies by providing a plethora of scholarships, research funds and incentives. Research students must be paired with local and internationally senior scholars where synergies and collaborations are fostered as the country works towards attaining Sustainable Development Goals. It is only through investing and empowering the next generation of researchers that Zimbabwe can solve its current challenges, as well as the challenges of tomorrow. 

Oswell Moyo is a research fellow at Midlands State University in Zimbabwe within a multi-disciplinary research project namely Beneficiation and Commercialisation of indigenous fruits and herbs on the verge of completing Masters of Philosophy in Media and Society Studies. His research interest includes media representation, computational social science, health communication, climate change, media literacy and indigenous knowledge systems.

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